Health First - Helping Siblings To Get Along

The family is the natural place for kids to learn how to get along with others, and how to reach a compromise. These skills are important for a child to learn, but the process can be especially hard on parents who are tired or stressed. It is normal for brothers and sisters to bicker, and try to get their parent's attention.

TO HELP DEAL WITH THIS NORMAL SIBLING RIVALRY, PARENTS SHOULD TRY THESE BASIC RULES:

Do not intervene in all sibling quarrels, but pay attention enough to know when you need to step in. Arguments that involve hitting, breaking things, name-calling, or that take place in public should always be interrupted. When parents step-in, they should try to show the children ways to solve the problem by offering choices or alternatives. For example, you might say, "I see two boys pulling on a toy." Then ask them to tell you what is going on. This helps the children to learn that they are responsible for solving their own problems.

Do not over-react to tattle-tales. This behaviour can be a plea for attention from you, or a report of a situation that parents need to know about. Listen carefully. If it is not a problem that requires help, instruct the tattler to solve the problem. If it is serious, and requires attention, thank the child for reporting it.

Make sure that arguments do not get physical. It is not OK to hit or hurt one another.

Practice "time out," so that children have a chance to cool off and get in control of their emotions.

While there is a great temptation to help resolve a fight, it's better to help children work it out.

If you feel that the sibling rivalry in your home is out of control, consider speaking to your doctor or a family counsellor. Helpful advice can be given as well as recommendations for books on how to deal with sibling rivalry.